Unseen

A year ago today, life crashed down on me. It would end up being the worst day of my year. I had failed multiple times over the course of a few months, and there was nothing I could do to change the outcome of the day. No matter how badly I wanted to do. Later that week, I’d come back home and slowly rebuild myself. I promised myself that in a year I’d be a completely different space than I was at the current time. I was determined to change my life and try new things.

As I reflect on that day last year to now, it’s crazy how time flies but also how much a year can change things. Sure there’s sadness as I reflect, but also I find happiness in the fact I stayed true in becoming the person I wanted to do.

Yet, I couldn’t do it alone. Thanks to all the friends and family who held me in turbulent times, and inspired me to better a man, even if you had no idea what was going on. I love and appreciate you all.

Occasionally, I still have to come back to my Instagram Bio that serves me as a reminder of my mantra. I remember reading Unseen, a picture book about Black History, as the first book I read when I got back home. Mentally, I wasn’t ready to read anything complex so I opted for what I thought would be a light read.

It was one of the heaviest books I read but surprisingly I didn’t suffer through reading, I enjoyed reading a few pages a day and reflecting on what I saw. One passage, in particular, stood out to me and is where my bio is derived from.

While the story is nothing notable, Reverend Salmon would become the first black priest to hold a pastorate in the New York Archdiocese in 1968. He was ushering in a new era for Black Roman Catholics and everything was going well until he abruptly left the priesthood. It was never said why.

The quote from his sermon, asking for “God’s grace to accept what can’t be changed but to have to courage to change what can be changed”, has been around for ages but at the moment in time, it resonated deeply with me. I sometimes wonder if that quote inspired him to walk away from it all.

Though for me, I’ve always been one who wanted to control every outcome I possibly could, yet I was quickly realizing that this wasn’t possible. There were situations I wanted to change that I couldn’t and I had to accept that. However, I could focus my energy on situations I could change, which I realized. There were things I knew I could and wanted to change, especially about myself, that I just needed to find the courage to do.

Life is tough and a helluva journey. I’m thankful for everything that is happened to me thus far and I’m excited about where I go from here. I have a lot to work on but I’ve come far and that’s enough for me. I have no idea what’s next but I have a feeling I’ll know soon enough.

Those dark times only break you if you let them. Find the courage to change what you can change.