Leave yo Ego at the Crib

First and foremost, I can’t believe I haven’t posted on here in over three months. I didn’t anticipate being away from the blog this long, and I will be regularly posting through the end of the year. Time has truly flown, but I’ve been working on myself, traveling, and doing other amazing things that I hope to share with you all sooner than later. You’ll hear whatever news I decide to share publicly here first, I promise.

I spent my birthday speaking to HBCU students interested in Tech careers with the WeAreHBCUs crew. I got to talk to students who came from a similar background as me intimately about my experiences and career journey. It feels weird for people to ask me for career advice when I don’t consider myself an elder to most collegiate upperclassmen. Yet in a few weeks, I’ll celebrate a two-year work anniversary; time flies regardless of whether you’re having fun or not.

As we wrapped up the event, the moderator asked each of us to give a piece of advice to the students. I usually give my “control what you can control” spiel, but I decided to deviate. Maybe because it was my birthday, a day I don’t celebrate but reflect about often. I told them to “Leave yo ego at the Crib.” In context, I was referring to asking for help in professional settings and keeping emotions out of the situation. When I talk to students, often they are used to being one of the brightest people in their spheres of influence. They are big fish in small ponds, yet when you hit the corporate environment, especially a large or prestigious one, it becomes apparent that you are now a small fish in a large pond that does indeed have plenty of bigger fish. That can be an overwhelming experience. You have to learn how to ask for help.

I remember my freshman summer, I had an internship with the Department of Defense. I would be moving to White Sands Missile Range, New Mexico, and making $20/hr. I didn’t have to work in Macon, I got to live in a new place far away from home, and I hadn’t made over $8.50/hr at a job. I was balling. The experience would foreshadow how money doesn’t necessarily equate to happiness. It would be the first time I wouldn’t see my family or girlfriend regularly; I was 30 minutes from the nearest signs of civilization and would come to realize I was in over my head at work.

Coming into the internship, academically, I felt prepared. My research mentor did warn me that it was going to be a bunch of graduate-level mathematics. I assumed it would be computational mathematics, like what we learn in K-12 and what I had seen up to that point in college. I would get my first taste of abstract mathematics and proof-writing that would dominate the rest of my academic career. I wasn’t prepared for the abstractness and the amount of knowledge I needed to consume in such a short time.

My mentor had a very hands-off approach, and I didn’t know how to ask for help. I think it is better to say I was too prideful to ask for help. I’ve always been one of those people who would rather “die on the hill” or fail on my accord than ask for help. I would realize that I couldn’t succeed professionally and later learn I couldn’t maintain relationships with this mentality. However, that summer, I died on the hill.

I never had to ask for help before I always found a way to figure it out myself. What couldn’t I do? Self-sufficient to a fault. Some things may have taken longer than they would have with help, but I always completed the task at hand, and to me, that’s all that mattered. However, abstract mathematics and learning a new programming language in isolation would prove to be too much. Overwhelmed, I dreaded coming into work, but time never stops, and so when I left for the day, I would blink, and I was right back in the office. I had checkpoints at the end of the week with my mentor, and while I was in the office next door, the checkpoint was often the only time I would see him that week. I didn’t take advantage of our proximity and struggled every week to make sufficient progress on my project. While I would complete a research project and presentation, the depth and quality were a skeleton of what it could have been if I had asked for help. I knew I could do better, but more importantly, I felt like I had let down my mentor and institution.

I say all that to say; life will inevitably throw obstacles that will force you to ask for help. Maybe you’re built differently and figure out ways to minimize the amount of help you need, even on the most difficult of tasks. However, you likely wasted a lot of time and energy. New Mexico helped me realize even the best need help. It helped me in my internships and even now in my full-time employment. We are all talented people, yet all need help. Discerning when to spend hours banging your head against the wall trying to solve a problem and when to ask a colleague for help to move forward quickly is a crucial skill. There’s a time and a place for both methods. Don’t let yo ego have you in a bind. Individual talent only gets you so far.

As I reach my self-imposed word limit, I realize that this mantra applies outside of the bounds of the workplace. Often in my personal relationships, I have seen how my ego has gotten in the way of forging lasting bonds and the harm it has inflicted on others. I'm working on it and acknowledge I have to do a better job leaving my ego at the crib.

Hold me accountable.

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I’m going to start adding a song I’m really digging at the moment. Expect variety.